How to talk about violence

Parents strive to protect their children from any harm in the world, but this is not always feasible – because children learn so much so quickly.

When there is bad news to break to your children, it is better for parents to explain the situation rather than learn it from their friends on the playground.

Embarrassment can be a hurdle because parents often don’t know how to start complicated conversations.

Experts advise that parents listen to children and allow them to say how they feel. Ask them what they understand about the situation and let them lead the conversation. Asking questions allows parents to gauge how much their child wants to know and understand what’s going through their mind.

Let them ask questions and try to answer them in a way they can understand. Don’t forget to open opportunities to return to the topic at hand when they feel they would like to discuss it again.

For example, children know about death. Maybe they saw a cat run over or their canary died. They may have experienced the loss of a grandparent early on in their life, or maybe they have seen something on TV.

Despite their awareness, their perception of death is simple, limited, and full of misconceptions. This is why adults who love them need to talk to them about death – as well as violence.

How? Death and violence should be explained in words they understand. A dead kitten will never eat, walk, or purr again. Violence hurts. If you grab a kitten by its tail, it will yowl.

Explain to them that violence is much more than just hitting and fighting. People are also violent when they insult someone, intimidate them, threaten them, exclude them from society, make fun of them…

You can also ask your child:

• Has anything like this ever happened to you?
• Have you ever done something like this to someone else?
• How did you feel about it?

It’s important to know that children who are victims of violence are often very scared, lonely, and do not feel well. Such children also resort to drugs or alcohol earlier. Sometimes they even commit suicide.

Parents must convey to children that no violence is acceptable. Even pulling a kitten’s tail to make it cry is too violent.

Children know that parents are the ones who teach them not to hit or harm anyone in any other way. That’s what they expect from their parents.

And now what? It’s important to tell them what they should do – if they are a victim of violence or if they witness violent behavior.

Help in Slovenia:

• Immediately tell an adult they trust – a parent, teacher, aunt, neighbor, counselor, etc.
• Avoid lonely places. Don’t leave school alone.
• Call someone (Slovene phone numbers):
  TOM (tel.: 116 111, e-mail: tom@zpms.si), or
  SOS (tel.: 080 11 55) for women and children – victims of violence
• Inappropriate online content can be reported to Safe.si
• Online Eye (for online violence).

More help:

• Call a helpline. Look for one in your country.
• The Center for Nonviolent Communication (NVS)

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The original version of this article was published on 15^th February.